Control and the Self: The Stoic Divide
The single most liberating idea in Stoicism. Peace is always possible.
There are two kinds of things:
Those we control.
And everything else.
If Stoicism could be distilled into one sentence, it might be this:
“Some things are up to us, and some things are not.” — Epictetus
It sounds almost too simple. But this one distinction—the Dichotomy of Control—is the single most powerful tool Stoicism offers.
It is a scalpel for the mind. A filter for the soul. A way to stop wasting energy on things that don’t deserve your power.
The Great Divide
Here’s how Epictetus framed it:
“Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing; outside our power are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing.”
What he’s saying is this:
You control your choices, not the outcomes.
You control your actions, not the reactions.
You control your effort, not the applause.
Everything else—weather, markets, other people’s behavior, the past, the future—is outside of you.
And yet… where do most of us spend our energy?
On the external.
On things we want to bend to our will.
On opinions we want to change.
On results we want guaranteed.
On people we want to fix.
No wonder we’re exhausted.
Freedom Is an Inside Job
The Stoics didn’t pretend life would be easy. But they believed that peace is always possible—because peace lives inside the boundaries of what we control.
You can lose your job, your money, even your health. But if you can govern your response—you are still free.
This isn’t passivity. This is clarity.
A Stoic doesn’t shrug at difficulty—they meet it head-on. But they do so with a clear distinction: what part of this is mine to carry?
That is where power begins.
In Leadership
If you lead others, you already know: You cannot force someone to change. You can only invite them.
You can model clarity. You can set expectations. You can hold the line.
But their growth? Their buy-in? Their attitude? That’s on them.
A Stoic leader holds people accountable without carrying their weight for them.
You influence—but you don’t control. And that awareness? It’s what protects your energy.
In Entrepreneurship
Business is a strange mix of courage and surrender.
You create, you pitch, you sell. You pour yourself into a product or a vision. But what happens after that—who buys, how fast, how it’s received—is not entirely yours.
Stoicism reminds the entrepreneur: focus on the work, not the response.
Your job is the process. Your power is in showing up with integrity, clarity, and persistence.
Control your strategy.
Control your timeline.
Control your principles.
But don’t try to control the market. That way lies madness.
In Relationships
This might be the hardest place of all to practice the dichotomy.
Because love makes us want to intervene, to fix, to guide. But Stoicism whispers a deeper kind of love—one rooted in respect.
You can’t control how someone feels. You can’t rewrite their story for them. You can’t be responsible for both your heart and theirs.
What you can do:
Speak with truth and kindness
Set your boundaries
Choose who you become in the presence of another
Control in relationships is replaced with choice—and that’s enough.
Why This Changes Everything
When you truly internalize the Dichotomy of Control, everything shifts.
You stop catastrophizing.
You stop obsessing over outcomes.
You stop tying your peace to things you cannot command.
And you begin to live from the inside out.
“Don’t demand that things happen as you wish, but wish that they happen as they do happen, and you will go on well.” — Epictetus
This is not resignation. It’s responsibility—rooted in realism.
It’s the moment when your strength is no longer conditional.
Stillness Practice
Take a current frustration or worry. Write it down.
Then draw a line down the middle of the page:
On the left: What part of this is in my control?
On the right: What part isn’t?
Circle what’s yours.
Cross out what’s not.
Then ask: What action can I take today that honors what I control—and let go of what I don’t?
That’s Stoic clarity.
That’s freedom.
The Circle and the Cross
Objective: Clarify what’s within your control—and release what isn’t.
Step 1: Name the Storm
Think of a current situation that’s troubling you. It could be:
A decision you’re facing
A relationship that feels strained
A goal that isn’t progressing
A conflict at work or at home
Write it down in one clear sentence.
Example: “I’m worried about the outcome of an important proposal.”
Step 2: Draw the Line
Divide a blank journal page (or a digital note) into two columns:
In the left column, list everything that’s within your power:
- Your effort
- Your communication
- Your attitude
- Your follow-up
- Your preparation
In the right column, list what’s outside of it:
- Other people’s opinions
- Timing
- Market conditions
- The final decision
- The past
Step 3: Circle & Cross
Now go back to your list:
Circle the things you control. Cross out the things you don’t.
This isn’t about pretending the crossed-out things don’t matter. It’s about acknowledging that they don’t belong to you.
You’re not abandoning responsibility. You’re honoring your domain.
Step 4: Redirect Your Energy
Ask yourself:
What’s one action I can take today that focuses on what I circled?
What can I release—mentally or emotionally—from the crossed-out list?
Write down one commitment:
Today, I will…
And I will let go of…
Final Thought
You’re not powerless. You’re just done wasting power on things that don’t respond to your control.
That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom.
Next up: Train the Mind, Shape the World—how Stoicism teaches us to transform our experience by transforming our judgments.
— Bill